It's so ironic that the last home video we have of James is when he is on the phone at the hospital talking to daddy. It was the night before his first whole lung lavage (Oct 9). His very last words are "Bye Daddy-O". I think we cry everytime we watch it.
Here is the last picture we have of James before his lungs died (taken Oct 30). One year ago his third Whole Lung Lavage (WLL) failed and we remember this day as the day that James "really died". It was the day his lungs stopped functioning on their own. If we had known the outcome at that point we wouldn't have put him through the next three weeks of agony. But of course at that time we were holding on and clinging to any hope that something could still be done.
This picture was taken the night before his last lavage. Our daily routine was to have a chat with the girls and daddy just before the girls went to bed. I was just prepping James for a haircut and bath when they called. And so it's ironic that not only is his last video of "bye daddy-o" but that last picture of when he was still "alive" and could still talk is also on the phone saying goodnight and "bye daddy-o".
I cannot believe that a year has gone by already. I cannot believe a year ago we watch doctors swarm into James room as he clung to live. I cannot believe that a year ago I was living in Toronto at the hospital. I cannot believe how much life can change in one years time.
What I can believe and see is that our Heavenly Father has most certainly carried us through this past year. Where would we be now without Him and the hope and comfort he provides?!?