Our New Home

So I'm already failing on my one-post-per-day-to-catchup idea. And tonight I'm going to be lazy and just post pictures of our new house as right about now I really much rather be in bed then sitting here.

So here you have our new place. These pictures were taken before we moved in ... hence the green grass and leaves on the trees. I think the thing to note the most on these pictures is how much of that green grass you can see around the house!! Our nice spacious yard ... surrounded by farmers fields.

Christmas Blessings

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

But the angel said to them ,"Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has ben born to you; he is Christ the Lord. " Luke 2: 10,11

We wish you all a blessed Christmas Day with family and friends. May this day be a day of celebration where you reflect and remember that this holiday comes because God sent His Son to this world for us sinners.

Last Day at Old School

Wednesday, October 28th was the girls last day at their old school. The day went well and I must say the girls showed little concern about the fact that they were not returning. We knew that they were a bit sad and would miss their friends, but we were thankful that they were also excited enough about the move and their new school that they were able to remain positive and happy and see this last day as a fun day.

At morning snack time I arrived at school armed with cupcakes and bookmarks. I met up with Rebecca and she handed out cupcakes to her classmates. Rebecca's class is a large class and so during the mornings they are split into two classes to be taught the core subjects. It was nice that they were together that morning.

After handing out her cupcakes (and candies) Rebecca was surprised with a good-bye present. This was a lovely gesture and one I think Rebecca really cherishes. She received two necklaces (which she wears almost all the time) as well as a collectors spoon from Holland. The class had just been discussing collections and so they found out that Rebecca collects spoons.

Rebecca with some of her classmates: Olivia, Sarah, Eden and Anna

Rebecca also took these pictures of her classmates. The first picture shows the class that she was part of with her teacher, Mr. V. The second picture is the other part of her class which she would spend afternoons with.

During that same morning Marietta was off on a school trip to Gage Park and the Mum Show at Gage Park. Here Marietta got to enjoy taking pictures of flowers ...something she loves to do.

I returned to school after lunch hour (so nice to live so close to the school :)

I prepared Marietta's cupcakes and then went down to Rebecca's classroom to watch her do the play The Shoemaker and the Elves. She had been extremely excited that they would be doing a play before she left ... one of the things she looked forward to in Grade 2 was that they did a play for the parents. This play was actually not for a parents and they did not memorize the lines but just read them, but regardless she had fun and enjoyed it. (She was even more thrilled when she found out she'd be doing a play at her new school ... only 4 days after starting school :)

Here she is waiting on the side for her turn to enter. And the next picture is her as a princess coming to buy shoes from the shoemaker.

I then headed back upstairs to help Marietta with handing out her cupcakes. Marietta's class had organized a Surprise Party ... much to her surprise :) She was pretty tickled by this gesture and thought they did a good job on surprising her. We didn't need to bring cupcakes ... they had more then enough food already :)

I wasn't allowed to leave until I had seen (and taken a picture of) the class pet ... Patches the Rat. Funny that she thinks Patches is so cute but goes into a panic if she thinks she seen or heard a mouse or rat at our new house (don't worry we're not overrun by them, just a fact of living in the country, especially when you live in an old farmhouse).

Bookmarks and Cupcakes

The girls wanted to give their friends/classmates (the girls in their classes) something to remember them by when they left. So after a bit of thought we decided to make bookmarks for the kids. I printed a text on the book marks and the girls finished them up with stickers, a little message and a picture of themselves, then I had them laminated. It was a relatively easy projected and turned out good.

For the last day of school we (okay mostly I) made little cupcakes for the classes. With 31 students in Rebecca's class and 28 in Marietta ... that made for a few cupcakes.

Moving Fun

Wow, this is going back a ways in time ... Thanksgiving Weekend - October 10-12

With three weeks to go to our hopeful moving date (it was up in the air for some time since they were doing some work in the new place) I figured maybe I should stop putting off the inevitable and go get some boxes.

A great place to get free boxes is the LCBO (Liquor Store) ... heavy duty boxes that come with bottle dividers. They are especially a nice size when ones has lots of books and canning to pack. Larger boxes had to be collected at the grocery store (hit and miss) or off freecycle. I thought I had way too many boxes, but in the end we had to make a last minute trip to the grocery store 5 minutes before it closed to restock and get as many boxes as we could fit in the vehicle.

The kids loved getting boxes ... especially Matthew. Matthew was the designated box thrower. One of the girls would pass him the boxes from the van and he threw them down the stairs, the other girl would then take them to the living room and stack them up there.

When we read the signs that the street down the road was having a Street Sale on Thanksgiving Day we figured we'd give a shot at trying to get rid of some of our stuff that day. I made quick work of going through the house and especially the storage room and finding the things we needed to get rid of. The girls were the designated garage sale "sellers" as they were the ones begging to have a garage sale.

Of course the reason they wanted a garage sales was because they wanted to sell lemonaide since the last time I attemped a garage sale they almost made more then me. At which time I said I was not having a garage sale again and have since been a freecyler and kijiji fan. So I explained they were going to have a hard time selling lemonaide when it was freezing outside and people were wearing winter coats (we had a cold October). Instead they sold hot chocolate for $0.25 a cup ... and once agan between that and the flowers they sold they pretty mcuh did better then the rest of the garage sale items. Thanksgiving is not the time to have a Garage Sale, but they had fun and it kept them out of my hair while I sorted through the storage room.

You would think I would have been on track and had no trouble being done on time for moving since the girls were big enough to help out. They did indeed help out but I did find it hard to let them do a lot of things as it was just easier to sort and do it myself. They were able to do the simplier things like the canning and books and straight forwards stuff, plus they liked to fight about who got to label each box, so I would load while they labelled.

During packing time Marietta came down with the Influenza A (or something of that assort) and so she was home for several days. She had a milder case but would get fevers and feel ill at times. A good doze of painkiller and she was okay for a while. She could do small things for short periods and then needed to rest, so she would help me out at time ... selective depending on how well she felt ... or was it how much she wanted to do what I suggested :) Here she is busy packing up the last of the food in the storage room. The storage room became our storage place where we put all boxes ready to go with the hope that we wouldn't be tripping over too many boxes throughout the next weeks ... unfortunately we still were.

This move was the worse move we've done. It was difficult to get any organization as we felt like we had not space or were always tripping over boxes ... empty or full. We tried to keep all empty boxes in the living room so that the only boxes around the house were ones we were working on or full ones placed in corners ... but it just didn't seem to work. It reminded us again of one of the reasons we wanted to go ...the house was just not nicely designed. Every now and then I would go through the living room and restack the empty boxes so we could at least walk in the room and see the different size boxes as it quickly became a disaster area ... with much help from Mr. Matthew, who was a big part of the reason it was always so messy. He had great fun stacking and moving boxes, crawling under them and playing with them. I couldn't blame him for wanting to have some fun and at the same time I was happy it was keeping him busy ... but it did get frustrating at times.

When one is busy packing the children get somewhat neglected ... and this is what I would find when I would go looking to see what he was up to

Yup ... he thought it was great fun to make disasters where ever he went or over turn half-full boxes ... much to my frustration.

And this is where I would usually find him ... looking quite innocent ... as if he would make such a mess!!

Unfortunately he recognized that I was busy and he begged more and more for the TV ... a problem we had already been dealing with before the moving thing came up. He was obsessed with TV and you could say no all day long but he would just keep whining and begging and crying and complaining ... it drove me insane and sad to say I gave in during moving time because I needed him out of my hair and didn't know what else to do with him ... and also because I knew that there would be no TV being unpacked at the new house. We would finally try to put an end to his obsession ... I was not looking forward to it, but I knew if any time was a good time to make a change this was the time.

Stay tune for further updates of the moving saga :)

Wireless

Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have wireless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Thanks Steve!!!)

Cept that means I now have a lot of catching up to do on my blog ... and with the kids just starting Christmas holidays I'm not sure so sure a whole lot of that will get done. I'll have to aim for a post a day and see how far I get.

Todays not going to be such a good start tho. Rob's been in bed for a few hours already blah and my throats starting to get scratchy ... a sign that I'm the next one to feel blah ... so I think I'm off to the shower and early to bed, see if I can beat it before it beats me.

Hungry Fish

Matthew must have overheard us telling Rebecca that her fish get hungry if she forgets to feed them.

I am trying to post this by sending via e-mail to the blog ... I have never sent pictures before, so I'm not sure if this will work

(We're still trying to survive in the semi-internet world ... we are "borrowing" dial-up but it's dial-up from the stone-age and so slow it's only good for e-mailing)

Edit: Wow ... that only took 42 minutes to be sent via e-mail ... and the pictures didn't even show up on the blog ... grrrr!!! But amazingly Blogger has actually uploaded my images without timing out before the process was done. Only took another 37 minutes. Guess I'll have to be a bit more patient for a bit longer and wait for the Wireless to get hooked up.

Two Years

To be honest, I don't really have anything to say about today.  I sort of get this feeling I should say something for those who do remember what this day means.  I often think about how I want to write more about the grief process, how I want to write more about the challenges of dealing with a sick child, of "living" at the hosptial, of facing a terminal illness, of going on afterwards ...etc.  But there hardly seems time to write about our lives as it is today let alone spend too much time reflecting.  And really ... I don't know a whole lot about these topics, more then I would like to, but not enough to really write about them.  The only thing I've learned in the last years is how we all cope and deal with situations so completely different.  What works for one is not going to work for the next. 

 

I often get this feeling that there seems to be more and more sickness and "bad things" in the world in recent years.  I have no idea if this feeling is because I am more emotionally in tune to these things or because I am just getting older and experiencing more of what life really means.  Are trials and sicknesses truly become more common, or is it just me?  I for sure know that I am more emotional, there is no doubt about that.  Grieving is not just something that happens when a person dies, it happens whenever there is a loss of any form ... that includes a loss of good health.  When I hear of a family I know that is experiencing difficulties my heart aches for them. 

 

This past week we learned of a young boy in our congregation, Thomas, who is not yet three, that has been diagnosised with neuroblasma cancer.  I was coping fine with the fact that November 23rd was coming up, but hearing this sent me through a whole mountian of emotions.  I'm not sure if I am grieving more for what this family is going through and will go through, or for myself and what our family went through. 

 

That strong desire to hug and hold James is back again.  While a few days ago I would have said that two years ago seems like a lifetime ago, now I feel like I've been thrown back in it, like it was just yesterday.  So often we talk about how it feels like our life with James was just some sort of dream (or nightmare, depending on what part you're at) ... how it seems like a different life, how it's hard to believe that really happened, even though we have so many signs and memories surrounding us to remind us that it indeed did.  The memories are still there and many of them are very clear yet, but the emotions have settled ... until these past few days.  It's amazing how quickly those emotions can be aroused again.

 

I so often look back and think how  oblivious I was.  I'm not an emotional person ... at least I never was.  I am more of a factual person, accepting things as they are and going with it. The death of James turned me into a water fountain.  The following year was rough as I suddenly had an eye opener as to what is like to be emotional.  Being confronted with several deaths of younger persons within the year following James' death helped fuel that water fountain. I felt further grief that I was more emotional for other peoples situations then I was with James'.    I did not cry on the night we had Visitation Hours for James'.  I think I went home feeling more empty and sick simply because I did not cry.  I hardly cried the day of the funeral.  But as the months went on I cried for many things.  Time taught me that I was living in shock those initial days.  Time has also taught me to be thankful that I'm a factual person,  altho many times I have felt like that makes me a "cold" person

 

I look further back and wonder how I even made it through those last months with James.   I can still see myself sitting there and listening when the doctors told me that James' illness was terminal, that they would try their best but his prognosis wasn't good.  I heard those words, I accepted them, but I did not get emotional.   I remember that retched night when I came to the realization that James was going to die.  Sobbing myself back to sleep, yet I woke up the next day and went on in my factual way.  I remember how I resigned myself to the fact that James was not going to live after the second Whole Lung Lavage failed to make him better.  I knew he would not live.  How I went on without emotionally breaking down is beyond me.  I truly believe it's because I had no idea what grief was at the time.  I had no idea what it was like to feel so sad that you become physically ill.  I had no idea that the word heartache truly came from feeling like someone was stomping on your entire emtional system, making you feel so sick physically and mentally ill that you didn't know what was happening to yourself.  Even now I cannot truly remember what it felt like. 

 

At the same time I know the Lord carries us through these times.  I knew that then too ... but sometimes I just wished I were more emotional.  Of course when the emotions come in full force I wish I could turn them off and go back to being matter-of-fact.  I'm just like everyone else - never happy with what God had given me. 

 

It often strikes me that I like to cry in church.  Ministers make me cry (oh no, what's going to happen in four years?).  I went through a rough year in Hamilton when I felt like I was always about to cry or dripping tears in church.  Would everyone think I was a basket case?  Would they think I had lost it?  Sure they'd know why, but still.  As time went on the factual Steph came back and all was good.  Yesterday morning on the way to church I remember thinking how glad I was I had heard about little Thomas before church for othewise I would have too much trouble getting through church.  It didn't matter though ... I just like to cry in church.  Really ... for all you who see me cry, I don't do it all the time ... I don't do it often enough.  There are times I wish I could jsut cry and get the emotions out ... maybe I should go to church when I feel like that :)

 

Funny, I started writing having no clue what to write, but my babbling fingers just sort of took off once I started.  While these past days have brought many emotions back to life for us, they are no where near what little Thomas' family is going through right now.  I pray for them and all the children who must suffer so. 

 

In some ways I don't think much has change for last year.  Does James still effect me everyday?  Do I still think about him everyday?   To be honest I don't know.  James is still very much part of my life and all of our lives.  Since I am factual and not emotional  :) that means I don't always notice when or where he comes into our lives.  Seeing Matthew grow up has most definitely kept James' very much alive. 

 

It is with mixed emotions that we watch Matthew grow.  We have much joy while at the same time we want to cling to our baby and keep him young.  As each day goes by he gets older and we more and more say farewell to the baby stage in our house.  This in itself causes much emotion, but I think the bigger emotion comes from watching Matthew surpass James.  We are leaving James behind.  James no longer "appears" to be the bigger brother.  While Matthew is still younger then James was when he passed away he is bigger in weight and height.  We find this hard to believe for we still see Matthew as a being a little guy, but we seen James as a little man.  I cannot believe that James was smaller then Matthew is now, my memory tells me he was bigger. When I look at pictures of James he appears so much older then Matthew looks.  It is not just in growth that Matthew surprasses James.  Matthew's abilities, especially his speech and vocab has far suprassed James.  James was delayed in this area and Matthew is right on track (or maybe advanced?).  It hurts to see Matthew get bigger because it reinforces the fact that James is gone.  It makes us feel like we are leaving James behind while we carry on.  It reinforces the fact that James was from a different part and time in our lives.  While these are all facts that we know they are not facts that we so readily want to accept.

 

What we can accept is that James continues to hold a very dear spot in our hearts.  While some memories will fade many will stay alive and he will always be with us in some way, shape or form.

Today's Lesson

Turn the stove off BEFORE you leave for church.

I am very thankful to report that our house is still standing!!

Just as the minister said "amen" this "little" thought popped into my head ... "did I turn the soup off before we left for church?" I leaned over and mentioned to Rob "I can't remember if I turned the soup off, I don't think I did". His response was to hand me the keys.

We only live five minutes from church. I seen smoke along the way ... but phew, it was just someone out burning stuff in the backyard. Boy did I feel relief when I say the house still standing and no smoke billowing out the windows. "Okay, maybe I didn't leave the stove on".

But the second I pulled in and opened the van door I knew I did ... I could hear the smoke detectors buzzing away.

Because I had left the lid off, the soup had not boiled over. If it had it would have put the flame out and I would have had natural gas to worry about. Instead I had smoke, but thankfully no fire. The house was full and smoke from bottom to top. I promptly turned the stove off, opened all the windows, pulled the batteries out of the smoke detectors, comforted our poor scared rabbit and then went back to church to socialize and pick up the rest of the family. I had been in the house long enough to smell liked smoke, have the stink of smoke stuck in my nostrils and the taste of smoke in my mouth ... but thankfully it wasn't so bad that a little bit of standing out in the fresh air couldn't fix it. We went to the Host Family for lunch (okay, my parents house :), went out for coffee after church and returned shortly after six to a smoke stinky house ... nothing a few days of open windows and a few extra air refresheners can't fix.

Hopefully the smell is gone before you all arive for our housewarming party on Friday night :)

Internetless

Many of you will find it very hard to believe that it actually took 10 days before I was able to find room on my desk to take my computer out of it's box and get it set up.  Harder to believe is that fact that I really didn't miss it.  Sure there were the times where I wished I could pop on and check something out or research something, but mostly I was content to leave it in it's box as long as possible so that I would have no distractions.  For the first five days distractions were indeed kept to a minimum when our phone line also did not work.  No phone, no computer, no internet ... and to top if off my van "died".  Thankfully Rob is able to get a work vehicle until he has time to revive my van ... so we're driving his work-smelling van now.

 

So my computer is out of it's box ... but I remain internetless ... and by the looks of it it will remain like that for some time yet.  Upon finding out the price of dial-up through our current provider we decided to go straight to wireless (originally we thought we'd stick it out on dial-up as long as possible ... hopefully till Rob returned to school).  It was going to be $3 cheaper to have dial-up then the DSL we had in the city.  As it stands right now if things go as planned it will be $2 cheaper then our DSL (which was the smallest and slowest DSL package availalbe) for us to go to wireless.

 

That is ... if things work out.  We are hoping to share wireless connections with another family ... and hence the reason it might be a bit before we're connected.  This requires a learning curve for Rob as this is not something normally done.  Okay ... it's done often enough, but not often enough that you can even buy the required equipment in store ... we will have to order it online.  Then Rob will need some guidance on setting it up, but he is determined to figure it out himself and set it up himself so that he knows how it works and is able to figure it out or fix it if something is not functioning properly.

 

So add that to the long list of things that need to be done around here to make this "home" (really it's already home, but to finetune it :).  For the time being Rob is able to take his laptop to work and collect e-mails at the beginning and end of the day ... so we're not completely out of touch, only much slower in our responses (half the time I forget to check the computer until it's bedtime and then don't feel like responding, and then the computer is gone again the next day ...etc). 

 

Eventually updates will come and pictures as well.